Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
