I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
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A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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