I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
