theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
