I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
