Where did you get a picture of my penis
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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