I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
