Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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