evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
