I am puke
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
