K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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