i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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