I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
