Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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