He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
