I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize