You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
