there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
