Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
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