1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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