Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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