you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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