You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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