What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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