I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
