Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
