hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
