woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
