you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
