and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
