Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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