That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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