The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My cat gives me a boner
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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