My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
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Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
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I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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