Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
