Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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