I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
