Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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