Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
