I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
