yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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