Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
