i always forget guys have bellybuttons
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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