I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
is that a dick in a sweater?
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