When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
