I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
