sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
