my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
