Your mouth is God's brothel.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
