So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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