I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
