capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
