i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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