i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
