i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
