so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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