You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
