I think my vagina is haunted
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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