2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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