she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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