I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
