those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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