I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
