Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
