We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
