Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My cat gives me a boner
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
