He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
