I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
