have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
